what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
