Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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