i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
