I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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