I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
