I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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