Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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