I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
