I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize