The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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