my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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