I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
