Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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