Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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