At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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