why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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