I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
