I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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