He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
