I hate all girls vehemently.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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