Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
