I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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