Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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