matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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