ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize