so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You know, be my cock's hype man.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
