im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Holy shit dude........stairs
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
