he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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