I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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