Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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