I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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