You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
