hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
