Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
They are going to name an STD after you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
