that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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