So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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