i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
