The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
