You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
