If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
