Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize