guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
