I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
well you can't waste a boner
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
