3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
