i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
