Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i was born a porn star she said
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
