I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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