this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
