I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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