I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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