I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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