Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
