I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
