ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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