i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
