i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
