Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize