HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
