He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
