If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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