not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
