Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
