I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
