2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
