Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
