no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
