Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
