i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
