That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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