That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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