how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
