i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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