I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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