OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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