We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
