That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
