Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
