he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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