just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
