My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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