Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
