Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
