Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
