Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
