Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
