He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
