If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
