Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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