Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
