If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
