whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
