yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
