using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
