Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
